


I'd Like To Propose That You All Just Stop

by letsgetalittleseethrough



Category: Frozen (Disney Movies)
Genre: Aromantic Elsa (Disney), Asexual Elsa (Disney), Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-17
Updated: 2020-08-17
Packaged: 2021-02-26 02:40:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 6,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21836110
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/letsgetalittleseethrough/pseuds/letsgetalittleseethrough
Summary: Really - no, really - she's not interested, thanks.
Comments: 60
Kudos: 148





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AcePlum](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AcePlum/gifts).



"...Shall I tell him it's a 'no'?"

Elsa attempted to loosen up her jaw, shoulders, existence. She turned from her view of the sea, gave a curt nod. "Please."

Anna only looked crestfallen for a second before she was back to practically skipping along the beach. "I bet you'll fall head over heels for the next guy! I can just imagine it now…"

Elsa closed her eyes, imagining instead all her past and soon-to-be suitors just disappearing in a puff of icy air. Because really, how many more proposals was it even  _ possible to receive? _ She wasn't even Queen any more. She was old news. 

She was also really,  _ really _ getting sick of random men from random lands turning up in the forest and getting down on one knee. Like, really sick of it. 

\---

"Your beauty, it blinds my eyes…"

Elsa stifled a groan, or a yawn. 

"Do you  _ see _ that as a good thing?" Honeymaren piped up beside her, never one to miss out on the opportunity to make a joke. 

Elsa shot her a glare, got ready to dish out what was now becoming a memorised speech: "Oh - I am very flattered by your offer, but I'm afraid I cannot accept… I have my own journey to embark on, you see, and sadly-"

The man (was it Mr. Dorren? No, his first name had been Darren… Or had that been the man before?...) broke down into noisy sobs before she'd even opened her mouth.

"There, there," Honeymaren consoled, her attempt at a comforting shoulder-rub looking more like a wannabe-dislocation. 

"I hope you didn't have a long journey," Elsa said. 

"There's a nice cafe near the castle where you can get some delicious tea," Honeymaren added, knowing by now that Elsa did not want that to be followed up by more time in the man's company. 

"Nice cafe?" The man looked up through his tears. "Do they do chocolate cake?" 

Elsa and Honeymaren exchanged a look. "Absolutely," they said in unison. 

He got his feet, held out a hand, shook Elsa's. "Well, Miss Elsa, whoever takes your hand will be a lucky man indeed." There was an awkward pause. "I will now depart to smother my feelings with cake," he added.

Elsa gave a small wave, Honeymaren a wave that was disproportionately vigorous for the situation.

"Well," Honeymaren said, as she and Elsa walked back to Elsa's hut together, "how long until another man comes running through the woods begging you to marry him? I give it two hours."

Elsa gave her a playful push. "If I had my way it'd be _two_ _millennia_."

\---

"Hey, Elsa-"

Elsa gave Kristoff a look that said  _ please, don't finish your sentence. _

"Did you hear that there's this new pair of shoes Anna really likes that I want to surprise her with? Ohalsoyouhaveanothermarriageproposal…"

"What do these men even see in me!"

Kristoff stepped further into the castle's unofficial "games" room. "Hey - you're pretty great, OK? I mean, I don't like you - not… not AT ALL, I do like you, but I don't, you know, I mean I love Anna, and Anna loves you, um..."

"Tell him I've fallen ill," she said tiredly. 

"With what?"

"Kristoff!"

"OK, OK! 'Singleitus' it is…"

Far too soon Kristoff was back.

"Let me guess - he doesn't want to take no for an answer?"

"Oh, no," Kristoff said cheerily, "he's gone. It's just the three others… they've run off to buy you 'get well soon' gifts."

"Wow," he said after a beat, blowing warmth onto his hands, "gotten a bit colder in here. Ha. Ha. Hey… I know you're not enjoying this, Elsa. Why don't you get Anna to make a statement or something saying you're no longer accepting suitors?"

"What reason do I give?" she asked miserably. 

Kristoff frowned. "Who cares what the reason is? It's your prerogative! You don't want a bunch of guys trying to marry you, you should be allowed to put a stop to it. At least, that's the way I see it."

That made her smile. "Thank you. You're a good friend."

"Right back at ya. And if I see anyone else who looks like they might be carrying a shiny ring with your name on it I'll tell them you've moved to Corona."

He left, and she was alone with her thoughts. Marriage, a relationship, neither had been something she'd ever considered important to her, or things she'd ever wanted for herself. She could see how happy both made Anna. 

_ Maybe with the right person _ … but even as she thought it, it sounded empty. 


	2. Chapter 2

"Ooh - they'll give us a nice big fire!" Honeymaren exclaimed, as she and Elsa stared at the stack of "love letters" Anna had just set down on the floor of Elsa's hut.

Anna's face was a picture of horror. "Oh no you don't - they've said some wonderful things about you, Elsa!"

Wondering if she could really be making out the words "My Beautiful Little Snowflake", Elsa muttered, "Such as?" 

Her sister grabbed a letter from the pile, the picture of determination. "'My dearest Elsa, coming from the desert lands as I do, to simply think of you is to bathe in refreshment and happiness…' isn't that so nice?!"

"Ick," Honeymaren said, and Elsa agreed with that. She stood up, and if the letters scattered a little in an icy breeze, it was surely accidental. "You know what? I think I need a lie down. I'll see you in a couple of days, Anna."

"I'll bring the next bunch of letters with me then!"

_Not if I can help it_ , Elsa thought to herself. 

\---

"OK, so let me just get this straight - you want me to _destroy_ _every_ letter that's addressed to you? I mean, it seems a bit-"

Elsa thrust one of the letters from three days ago into Kristoff's hands. " _Just read it_."

Kristoff gave her a questioning look, but it soon changed when his eyes went to the letter instead. "'The fiery heat of my love for you will melt you down and you will fall into my arms, you goddess of cold who I shall lovingly caress and warm…' Oh man… oh man…"

"You're looking a little peaky," Elsa said pointedly.

Kristoff swallowed. "If this is what you have to put up with, then I'm going to personally destroy every single letter you get!"

She smiled at that. "Thank you, but I'm sure you're busy enough… if you could just spread the word to all the staff that all my correspondence has to be 'dealt with'?" 

"You got it." Kristoff threw the letter into the fire, then slumped down on the sofa. "Fancy a game of cards before you leave? Take both our minds off that monstrosity?"

"You're on."

\---

"I'm so sorry, Elsa - no letters for you today… I'm sure lots more will come next week though!"

"What a _dreadful_ shame," Elsa said, pulling Anna into a hug and making a note to thank Kristoff with whatever his heart desired. 

\---

"Elsa? Hey Elsa! Elsa Elsa Elsa Elsa-"

_Don't punch Olaf in the face,_ the former-Queen part of her mind said. _He has to have a reasonable explanation for waking you at this time…_

Then Sven licked her cheek, and it was gloves off.

After extracting Sven and Olaf from her ice-filled hut, she got out a, "What's the matter, Olaf?" in a tone that wasn't _entirely_ murderous.

"Wow, somebody likes their sleep," Olaf said, and just as Elsa switched to "completely" murderous he said, "Anna…"

Her heart dropped to the floor. She grabbed Olaf by his stick-shoulders. "Olaf - what's wrong with Anna?" 

"She wants to declare war on Desaria!"

"Look," Kristoff said, lumbering up next to them, "to cut me some slack - how was I supposed to know Desaria was a _real place_?"

\---

"'Elsa has people in Desaria who wish to harm her, so burn all correspondence as poison may be hidden in her letters'?" Elsa repeated.

Kristoff nodded, and then went back to hanging his head. "It was all fine until Anna found out, and now she's talking about 'sending men' and 'fighting til the end' and _this was never supposed to happen!_ What sort of kingdom calls itself 'Desaria'?!"

"I'll just have to tell Anna the truth," Elsa sighed. "That I don't want all the love letters that she's so happy that I'm getting…"

"Or we could get Honeymaren to write a letter pretending to be from Desaria saying that they're very sorry and wish you no harm?"

Elsa considered this for a minute. "Yes. Or we could do that."

\---

"You wouldn't believe the week I've had!" Anna exclaimed, giving Elsa a tight hug. "Oh, I don't what to go into it, I've already talked Kristoff's ear off… but look what's arrived for you?" 

"A whole sled-ful," Kristoff said, pulling what was indeed a whole sled full of letters, and Elsa could hear the apology in his voice.

"Lucky old you," Honeymaren sing-songed. 

"Yes." Elsa thought she could make out the words, "My desire for you still burns bright, my precious frozen jewel…"

"Lucky old me…" 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it seems like Anna got an ordeal here, but Elsa's just not ready to explain everything to her yet...


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for such a long wait! I hope this chapter makes up for it. Thank you for all the support so far!

_Desaria_

“We could send her ‘exotic gifts’, Your Highness,” the general enthused, practically salivating. “And then she opens them and one hundred of our worst spiders fall into her lap and crawl into her hair! She’ll retreat immediately!”

The King ran a weary hand over his weary face. _Three hours_ of talks. 

“Oh! Oh oh oh oh! I’ve got a good one, Your Highness!”

The King bit back a sigh. “Put your hand down, Major… What is it?”

“In a similar vein, Your Highness, we could send her some cake so delicious that her only option is to continue being trade partners, in order to obtain more of its deliciousness!”

The general frowned. “Or she could take it from us by force.”  
  


“Whoever started a war over cake?”

“Whoever prevented war because of it?”

“I happen to think that my idea, Your Majesty, is-”

“ENOUGH,” the King bellowed. “My Gods… We will reconvene tomorrow. Good day to you all.”

\---

_Northuldran Encampment_

  
  


_So, Anna, you know the thing about that Desaria place? Well, as King, I must announce-_

Honeymaren frowned. It didn’t seem to have that “makes you fall asleep” charm of the letters Elsa sometimes talked about from her days as Queen. She crossed out what she’d written, chewing on the end of her pencil. 

_DO NOT BE ALARMED, QUEEN, I REPEAT, YOU HAVE NO CAUSE FOR ALARM-_

Hmm. Not quite. 

“I have a suggestion,” Olaf said, startling her with his sudden presence. “I read it in a book…” 

“Go on,” Honeymaren prompted, because sometimes (sometimes) Olaf was full of wisdom. 

Olaf blinked at her, and then took on a deep, powerful voice: “‘Beware; for I am fearless, and therefore powerful.’”

Honeymaren cocked her head, considering. “Yes- yes! That has such a good ring to it! Thanks, Olaf!” 

And after that, the rest of the letter was a _breeze_.

\---

_Arendelle_

Anna rubbed at her eyes. No. That couldn’t be right. 

She was going to take a walk, a long walk, around the castle grounds, and then go back to it. Because those words couldn’t say what she thought they said. 

Surely.

\---

“Long day, Father?”

The King offered his eldest daughter a weak smile. “I still can’t figure out why Queen Anna is even _threatening_ to declare war in the first place,” he sighed. “She said something about a threat to her sister, and I tried to reassure her it did not come from our land…”

His daughter handed him a welcome glass of wine, which he downed in one. “I need to find some way to make peace between us,” he continued, and then froze. “Alis?”

“Father?”

The King took a deep breath, tried to smile once more. “What say you, to marrying Queen Anna’s sister?”

Alis wrinkled her nose. “I’ve heard she now lives in the _woods_ , Father.”

“Yes, and you never leave your room. A good match, then. Well - consider it. Take a trip to Arendelle.”

Alis nodded, thinking about the rumoured beauty of the former Queen. And it was always nice to go on holiday, after all. 

\---

Elsa was watching a reenactment of Anna’s last birthday when she heard a distinctly person-sounding _thud_. 

Something about becoming Queen had lessened Anna’s clumsiness, and Kristoff and Olaf never ventured here, to Ahtohallan, so Elsa turned with more curiosity and fear. 

“He said you’d be in the _woods_ ,” Alis gasped, weighed down by the heaviness of her ill-advised coat and boots. 

“Who are you?” Elsa asked, rising from her sitting position. “What brings you here?”

Alis thrust a hand into one coat pocket, and then another, and then rifled through her bag-

A ring came rolling to rest at Elsa’s feet.

“Oh no,” she said, backing away. “Really-”

“Your hand!” Alis declared, shuffling forward on the ice and going down on one knee before Elsa. “For the peace of our lands. Desaria adores you.”

Elsa, no pun intended, froze. 

So she could get Anna, and the whole of Arendelle, out of a possible war caused by her desire to never ever marry, by marrying, and the war wouldn’t happen and she’d just live miserably in matrimonial misery forever…

“I think,” she said, faux-brightness, “we should have a… chat. Back at the encampment.”

Alis groaned. “Could you carry me? Gods, I’m unfit.” 

\---

And Anna, on her weekly visit to the Northuldra, seeing Elsa carrying a woman bridal-style into the forest, thought only one thing: 

_Aww, they look so sweet together!_

Followed by another thing:

_It almost takes my mind off having to declare war..._

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you to Fruipit for the idea of a female suitor!


	4. Chapter 4

"Ah," Honeymaren said gravely, shaking her head at Elsa, "she cannot answer the question." 

Alis made noises of protest. How was she supposed to know what Elsa's favourite memory of the summer she turned eight years old was?

"I'm not sure _I_ can answer that question," Elsa was whispering to her friend. "What hope does she have, if I can't-" 

"The one that is right for you will know these things," an older woman who'd introduced herself as Yelana muttered. Then she frowned. "That said… for some people, there is no such person." 

Elsa's face brightened as quickly as Honeymaren's saddened. 

"There will be someone out there for you!" Honeymaren said. Then she turned to Alis with a gaze that made Alis's heart sink. "And we'll see if that person is you! Let's see… does Elsa prefer lingonberries, or cloudberries?" 

"Can I ask what either of those-" 

"No. Wow, you're doing _brilliantly_ so far…" 

Elsa looked as pained as Alis imagined she herself did. It was going to be a long night for both of them. 

\--- 

Alis awoke to Honeymaren shaking her like one of the castle's dusty rugs. 

"OK, soI'vethrownElsaupatreeandyourjobistogoregallyandlovinglyrescueher," Honeymaren garbled. 

Alis threw an arm over her eyes, and closed them. "Huh?" 

"Look, do you want to marry Elsa or not?" 

An awkward silence lingered for too long. "The kingdom," Alis began, "would benef-"

Honeymaren grabbed her by the shoulders and pulled her up close enough to smell the other woman's breath. 

"Oh no you don't," Honeymaren said menacingly. "Elsa's only going to marry the most perfect and wonderful person, and she'll do it out of true love, not because it'd be _good for trade-_ " 

Alis whimpered in agreement. 

"Now," Honeymaren said, finally letting Alis fall back onto the pile of furs that was her bed, "go and get Elsa down from that tree." 

\--- 

_This is actually the ideal reading spot,_ Elsa thought, turning another page of her book. _Away from the smoke from the fire and the noise from all the people. Yes. Maybe I'll come back here._

"How did you even get her _up there?_ " Alis exclaimed below her, a tiny figure on the ground. 

"Climbing is one of my many many talents," Honeymaren said in a bored voice. "Now - are you ready?" 

"Could I have five min-" 

"No. Off you go!" 

Elsa hesitated. Maybe she should keep an eye out, in case Alis fell whilst trying to climb up to her. 

The sound of fingers scrabbling on wood drifted up to her ears. _I'm sure she's made of stern stuff,_ she decided, and went back to her book. 

There was a yelping noise, and then the sound of someone hitting the ground hard. Elsa winced. 

"I'm OK!" Alis called weakly.

"Don't just lie there!" Honeymaren scolded. "You have a wife to go and get!" 

"I already went to Ahtohallan for her…" 

"Well then you should be making easy work of a humble tree!" 

_This is ridiculous,_ Elsa thought. _I'm going to climb down-_

"Don't even think about it, Elsa!" Honeymaren called up to her. 

"Uh," Honeymaren said a minute later, "where do you think you're going with that?" 

"Aaaaaah!" Alis screamed, and the tree Elsa was sitting in made a sudden jump. Leaves fluttered down around her. 

"If I can't get _up_ to Elsa, I'm going to bring her _down_ to me," Alis said, and Elsa craned her neck to see an axe glinting in her hands. 

"S'pose that's not against the rules," Honeymaren decided, after a few second's deliberation. "You'll be here a while though. Man, I wish I'd brought Elsa up some snacks." 

\--- 

"Kneel, coward!" Anna demanded, waving one of Mattias's swords (shh, he didn't know she had it). "I hearby- _Kris-_ _you need to kneel_ -" 

Kristoff sighed, getting onto his knees. "Can't we just play 'the baby has a bad cold' like we usually do? I'll even be the baby-" 

"I have no space for maternal fantasies!" Anna hissed, and OK, Kristoff wasn't going to challenge that, not when she was still waving a sword around. She stood, one hand on her hip, the other twirling the sword. "Should I insult her dress? Her hair? And to think I was happy to see her, before I knew who she was..." 

"I don't think there's any need to get personal-" 

"Desaria threatened Elsa's life, Kristoff," Anna growled. 

"Yeah, about that-" 

"Bow your head, coward!" 

Sighing, Kristoff did as he was told. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now with (a predicted) 9 chapters instead of 6!

It's not often you awake to falling through the air, but, Elsa conceded, stranger things had happened.

"I'm gonna catch you!" Alis shouted. "Totally! Um…"

Stupidly, Elsa looked down. The tree was high, so the ground wasn't immediately about to turn her into human-lingonberry jam, but still-

Her eyelids fluttering against the wind, she waved her hands and crafted a sort of large, Elsa-shaped bowl of ice on the ground below her, and then began thickening the inside. It wouldn't be the most comfortable landing, but it would be-

With a carefully controlled "crunch", she hit the ice. 

"Tree incoming!" someone yelled, and she forced her eyes open to see that, indeed, the tree she'd been sitting in and that Alis had spent hours cutting down was now about to offer her a horrible way to die. 

_No thank you_ , Elsa thought, and with a blast of ice the tree was sent swaying the other way.

"Man, you're lucky you fell before the tree started coming down," Honeymaren said, materialising beside her. The tree fell with an almighty crash. "Nice ice bowl, by the way."

"I won't tell Anna about this," Elsa said automatically (she'd lost count of the number of things Honeymaren had roped her into that had required saying this).

Honeymaren relaxed, and then turned. "Alis - I think you've just got yourself a wife!"

Elsa made noises of protest. Alis came over, so wide eyed that it was almost comical. "I thought that you having 'ice powers' was just a metaphor for your natural talent of shutting everyone out…"

"Ouch," Honeymaren said on Elsa's behalf. Elsa closed her eyes again, and heard rather than saw Kristoff run over and ask Alis for a word. 

\---

_"You did what?"_

"I know it _sounds_ bad, but-" 

Alis's voice was rising at every new word. "You manufactured a threat against the Queen's sister, just so that she didn't have to tell the Queen she did not desire marriage?" 

Kristoff winced, poking his head out of the tent to make sure they were alone. "Man, it does sound really bad when you put it like that..."

Alis folded her arms over her chest, looking at him as if waiting for him to say something to remedy the situation.

"Elsa… really just isn't interested in anyone," he tried. "And the kind of 'love letters' she was receiving, I mean, yuck…"

"There is a lot of pressure on us to marry," Alis conceded. "And by 'us' I mean royal women in general. One of my cousins was first told she was going to marry her husband on her 16th birthday!" 

"And did she?" Kristoff asked. 

A smile quirked at Alis's mouth, her eyes going back to the past. "Asta would never have had that. That same day she went out and asked the baker's boy for his hand. She must have had good instincts, because they've been happily together for coming up to five years now." Her gaze refocused. "Do you believe Elsa will one day find someone? It would be awfully lonely, would it not?"

"She has us," Kristoff argued instantly, "and anyway, she's always been a sort of free spirit - uh, excuse the pun. I can't imagine life without Anna but that doesn't mean that I'm right and Elsa's wrong."

Alis was silent for a moment, staring at her feet. "Yes. Just between you and me… I feel the same as Elsa. I was only repeating my mother's words just then. I've watched my best friends and my brothers and my sisters all go stupid over some girl or boy or charming traveller from another land, and sat and watched and never understood." She looked up at him with sad eyes. "In some ways, my mother is correct. It is lonely."

"You have Elsa now," Kristoff said gently. "She understands. You two can stay in touch... once I figure out a way to stop you having to get married or declare war on each other."

Alis blinked, and then gave a short bark of a laugh. "You think you can sort out your mess alone? No. I will help you… and I think I may have an idea."

\---

"So, just so I _totally_ understand here," Ryder began, "I-"

"-Will be rewarded handsomely, yes," Alis said. 

Ryder looked at Alis, and then Kristoff. Their faces said "pretty pretty please?" rather than "this is an entirely safe endeavour and will definitely not end in Queen Anna trying to wipe the earth of your existence in the mistaken belief that you are the one who threatened Elsa's life, because that's what we're going to tell her but she's not going to know it's you, exactly," but he was down with that. 

"Try not to dieeeeee!" Honeymaren sing-songed later, as he packed the last of what he was going to take. 

He scoffed. "I'm _invincible_."

The air got slightly cooler, a sign that Elsa was approaching. "Where are you going?" she asked, seeing the bag slung over his shoulder.

Ryder broke out a wild smile. "Alis is taking me," he said with a dramatic pause, "to _Desaria._ "

  
  
  
  



	6. Chapter 6

“Owww!” Ryder whined, as one of Desaria’s royal guard’s swords poked him in the side yet again. 

“Sorry,” the guard mumbled, but two seconds later Ryder felt the same sharp prick of pain. He sighed. “Are you sure this is necessary?”

Alis nodded both emphatically and enthusiastically. “Once Queen Anna hears of a man being escorted by royal guard to Desaria’s King, a man who is rumoured to be the one who wants to hurt her sister - well! The whole situation will look entirely legitimate!”

“But she can’t actually _see_ us right now,” Ryder pointed out. “And she’s still not doing trade with you, either, at least that’s what Kristoff said. So we could have just made the whole thing up instead of actually doing it!”

“Authenticity,” Alis said, in the most regal voice Ryder had heard from her. “Integrity, legitimacy… Arendelle may have ceased trade, but our surrounding kingdoms have not, and some of those also trade with Arendelle. Word will get out, that we are taking control of this horrific threat against a wonderful queen’s wonderful sister, and then, once everything is ‘dealt with’, trade can continue and the whole thing will blow over!”

“You could have just married Elsa like you were supposed to,” Ryder moaned. “How did you even wriggle out of it?”

“I told my father that Elsa is engaged to another, and, as he doesn’t have to know the truth, that should be satisfactory...” Alis said, to thin air, for Ryder had frozen some distance back, precisely at the word “engaged”. 

“You did _what?_ ” Ryder said weakly. 

Alis felt the beginnings of doubt begin to creep into her mind. “Why, was it a bad idea?”

\---

“Hey, honey. You’ve been hard at work for hours now… I was just wondering, I’ve got this amazing chocolate cake, but man, I really can’t eat it all…”

“I’d love some,” Anna called through her office door, in a voice that Kristoff acknowledged was a little strange, but which he just put down to tiredness. 

And then Anna looked up at him, at first glance looking calm, but then, the way she was gripping her quill-

“I-” Kristoff began, but then Anna was grabbing the slice of cake from the plate he was trying to, instinctively, protect from her grasp, and eating it in one bite. 

“Wow,” Kristoff said. “Uh, rough day?”

Anna shoved a bunch of letters into his hand, still chewing, with a gesture that Kristoff only interpreted due to years of knowing her, to mean “ _read them_ ”. 

\---

“Why would you even write in a letter, ‘ _There is rage in me the likes of which should never escape_ ’?! Why would you do that?! To the Queen of Arendelle, you wrote, to the Queen of Arendelle, pretending to be the King of Desaria, and again, I quote, ‘ _There is-_ ’”  
  


“Olaf suggested it,” Honeymaren said sullenly, her arms tightly crossed. 

Kristoff wavered. “ _Olaf?_ ”

“He’s quite well-read.”  
  


Kristoff shook his head to clear himself of the nonsense he’d just tried to process. “Anyway - you’re going to make it up to me… by marrying Elsa.”  
  


Honeymaren felt that Kristoff should have at least said, “by marrying Elsa!” The lack of exclamation in his voice was frankly puzzling. 

“If Elsa wanted to marry me, I’m sure I would’ve got the hint somehow,” she said. 

“This is no longer a question of ‘want’s!" Kristoff hissed. "Somehow, the King of Desaria thinks Elsa is now engaged to someone else, and therefore I’ve chosen you to go and make that a reality!”

“But Elsa doesn’t want to get married,” Honeymaren pointed out.

Kristoff let out a low moan that seemed to go on for several days.

“Just tell Anna the truth, Kristoff.”  
  


“I’m in too deep now,” he groaned. 

“You can’t marry Elsa off just because you can’t tell Anna that you’ve made, uh, several mistakes!”

“Who’s marrying me off?”

Kristoff and Honeymaren wore matching, suspicious smiles. Elsa got another one of her “sinking” feelings. “Why don’t we just tell Anna…” She trailed off as Gale fluttered a note into her hand. The ink on it was still so fresh, and so heavily applied, that it began to leak onto her fingers. 

“Ah,” Honeymaren said nervously, as they all crowded round to read it:

**Elsa - You Didn’t Tell Me You Were ENGAGED?**

“So,” Honeymaren said, after an eternity of silence, “Whaddaya say to getting hitched, huh?”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> everything should be tied up in the next two chapters, and then we get an epilogue!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> literally 7 thousand years later she comes back with a chapter...

“Soooooooo…”

Elsa watched as Anna looked everywhere but her, kicking some leaves with her foot. She sighed. 

“Anna, this is all my fault-” 

Anna put on a definitely-forced smile. “Oh no - I’m _very_ happy for you, Elsa.” Then, with every word, she leaned in closer, as she emphasised, “Very very very - HOW COULD YOU NOT TELL ME?” 

“Anna-”

Something in Elsa’s tone made Anna stop. Anna looked at her sister for a moment, frowning first in suspicion and then concern. “What is it?”

Elsa hung her head. “I don’t want to get married, Anna.”

Blinking, Anna said, “Then don’t! Whoever this guy is, just call it off! You’re the one that taught me that you should marry for love!” 

“I don’t want to get married… ever. I don’t want a partner, I never have.” Elsa turned away from Anna, hugging herself. “I know it’s strange, and I know you’ll think something’s wrong with me…” 

“Oh, Elsa…” 

Elsa felt a hand on her shoulder. Tentatively, she turned back round. Anna was smiling at her sadly. 

“I guess this whole time you’ve been hating all those letters I kept passing your way then?”

A small laugh bubbled out of her. “You guess correctly, yes.” 

Anna wrapped her in a hug. “I’m so sorry. So _so_ sorry. Why don’t you come back to the castle, we can draft a letter to your fiance, and get this all sorted out.” 

Elsa winced, pulling back from their embrace. “It… might be a little more complicated than that?” 

Anna beamed. “We’ll work it out! I’m sure we can - I _know_ we can…” 

\---

“Alis?”

“Yes, Father?” 

“I’m not sure you appreciate quite what you’ve gotten yourself into.” 

Alis opened her mouth to argue, but then her father looked up from the letter he was carrying, and he looked so pale that the words died in her mouth. 

“Has something-”

  
“Coronan men were sighted marching close to our borders. Word is that King Frederic is declaring war.” 

Alis gasped. “But- but-” 

The King smiled sadly. “I am going to try and placate him, but I fear that trying to explain this whole… situation may cause him to laugh so loud it is heard across the entire world.” He sighed. 

“What’s up?” Ryder said, walking past the open door. He paused in the doorway. “How are things?” 

Alis and her father shared a look. “We escalate the plan,” Alis said immediately. “We- we fake Ryder’s death-” 

Ryder’s jaw dropped. “Um.... What?” 

\---

“She’s not _that_ mad,” Kristoff told Elsa. 

“I’m _incredibly angry_!” Anna called through the closed door. 

Kristoff winced. 

“So, let me get this straight,” Honeymaren butted in, “Elsa - you really don’t want to marry me? Hey, I’m kind of hurt, but it’s no biggi-” The rest of her words were choked by the snowball Elsa had materialised in her mouth. 

Elsa slumped against the doorframe with a sigh. “If I’d just been honest…” 

“It’s no use regretting the past, Elsa,” Kristoff said softly. “Anna’s sorting it out, everything will be fine-” 

The door flung open. Anna’s face was red. “Corona is declaring war on Desaria! Do any of you have _anything_ to say for yourselves?!” 

“I didn’t know Desaria was a real _plaaaaace_ ,” Kristoff whined. 

“Hey, Anna,” Olaf said, walking up to her from out of nowhere. “If you need help drafting a letter-” 

“ _Olaf_ ,” Anna said. That was enough. She didn’t need to add anything else. 

With a cough, Olaf waved at the rest of them and scurried off. 

“With the combined powers of Arendelle and Desaria, and the plan we’ve put together…” Elsa ventured. 

Anna appeared to visibly wilt. “Yes. Provided they stick _exactly_ to the plan, things might just turn out OK.” 

\---

Ryder brought out his most winning smile. “So - how dead d’you want me?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm now the-best-of-what-we-had-youknow on tumblr if anyone wants to say hi!


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the long wait! I've tried to tie up all the ends, but don't be afraid to ask in the comments if you're a little lost (since it has been so long since an update!) 
> 
> I hope I've done this story justice. An epilogue will follow - thanks for sticking with me!

_2 days later_

Yelana looked at Alis, and then back down at Ryder. 

“His chest moves,” she told Alis. 

Alis blinked, glanced around, ducked, glanced around, breathed out, rose again, and put on her best smile. “He’s VERY VERY DEAD,” she said loudly. “VERY.” 

Yelana looked unimpressed. “You made it all the way here without arousing suspicion,” she said, a silent “ _How?_ ” tacked onto the end of her sentence. 

Alis nodded. “Together, we’ve fixed everything! No more threat of war, no more marriage proposals, just everyone very very happy. Probably.” She patted herself on the back. “I think I did a good job.” 

Yelana resisted a sigh. “Queen Anna, Honeymaren and Elsa will arrive soon. Please, sit by the campfire. You have had a long journey.” 

As she turned to slowly walk off, Ryder opened one eye, and then his mouth- 

“Zip it,” Alis hissed, and then disguised her command with a cough. Ryder’s eye rolled, but he closed both it and his mouth. 

_You never know who’s watching_ , Alis thought. She just hoped she’d done enough. 

\---

“‘Parading my brother’s dead body through the streets of Desaria’?” Honeymaren echoed. “Woah…. He’ll be lapping up all that attention.”  
  


“I should have told you sooner,” Elsa said to Anna, as they sat in the back of Kristoff’s sledge, Anna having recounted the latest letter she’d received from Desaria’s king. 

Anna brushed her comment off with a very regal wave of her hand. “You did what you thought was right, Elsa. Who could’ve predicted that so much would just…”

“Go wrong?” Kristoff suggested. 

Anna glared at the back of his head. “You’re still in my bad books! Or should it be ‘book’?... No, I could _really_ write whole books about this...”

“When does Ryder get to be alive again?” Honeymaren interrupted.

_She’s looking far too happy about this_ , Elsa thought. 

“We have to be sure that Corona has lost interest,” Anna answered. “Don’t accept any newcomers into the encampment. I’ll place guards around the perimeter of the forest.” She tapped her sister on the shoulder, Elsa having decided to stare nervously into the distance. “It’ll be OK, Elsa. I promise.”  
  


Elsa tried to return her smile. “If I just wanted to marry, like a normal person-” 

“Think you lost out on the whole ‘being normal’ thing a while back,” Kristoff called. 

Anna resumed her death glare. “What he _means_ ,” she said slowly, “is that you’ve always lived your own life, with your own rules, and there’s no reason to stop now. Marriage isn’t for everyone.” 

Putting her head on her sister’s shoulder, Elsa said softly, “Thank you, Anna.”

“You don’t have to thank me,” Anna protested. 

“You can thank _me_ , instead!” Honeymaren piped up, and the three of them shared a laugh. 

\---

“I have travelled many, many miles in search of such ice-cold beauty…”

“Fantastic,” Kristoff deadpanned, as Elsa and Anna’s faces morphed into matching expressions of despair. “ _Fantastic_ \- look. Do you think you’d mind scooting over before you break into your speech or whatever you’re gonna do?”

Elsa’s latest suitor dropped his grin, but promptly picked it back up. “Of course- of course.” He bowed, scurried to one side, and Kristoff drove the sledge through with perhaps slightly more force than necessary. 

_Maybe if I just stay in here he’ll eventually forget about m-_ Elsa started thinking, so naturally Honeymaren read her mind and shoved her out onto the ground- 

He was by her side in an instant. _Ahtohallan help me,_ Elsa thought miserably. 

“ _Did you not get the memo?_ ” Anna said, sounding positively bubbling over with rage, and Elsa looked up from the hand her suitor was offering just in time to see her sister’s fist collide with his face- 

“You’re really racking up a body count here,” Kristoff commented, and, at Honeymaren’s blank look, began explaining the whole Hans Thing. 

“Elsa!” 

Pushing herself upright, Elsa was promptly knocked to the ground yet again by a blur of Alis-

“Oops. But - we did it, Elsa! You don’t have to marry anyone, and there’ll be no war! I mean, I nearly had to marry you so that your sister didn’t declare war on my kingdom, but then we blamed it all on Ryder, and he has to never show his face outside of this encampment again or he’ll die for real… but everybody wins!” 

“Fantastic,” Elsa said distantly, as Alis helped her back up. She turned back to her sister.

“...and stay out!” Anna was shouting, as Elsa’s never-to-be husband, who muttered- no, that couldn’t be right- 

Kristoff looked at Honeymaren. “Did he say he’d declare war?”

“It’s a figure of speech, honey,” Anna called in a slightly hysterical voice, jabbing the source of their latest troubles in the stomach and adding, “ _Isn’t that right?_ ” 

Mr. Causing-Unnecessary-Strife held her gaze for a second, forced a grin, gabbled an apology, and ran. 

Anna dusted off her hands, head held high. “Well. I think that’s that seen to.” 

Elsa rushed over to hug her. “You’ve done so much for me, Anna....” 

“Don’t mention it,” Anna said firmly, hugging her back. “I love you. Now, I could really use some food…” 

“All’s well that ends well,” Honeymaren said to Kristoff, as the four of them walked further into the encampment. 

Kristoff laughed. “You know, I think I’ll drink to that.” 

  
  
  
  



End file.
